Animals I Hate

Eyelash vipers are little yellow pit vipers. A lot of things get stupider as they get smaller, like dogs and TVs and candy bars, but deadly deadly snakes only get deadlier. Because it’s a snake, but you can’t see it! It’s a secret snake! But they can see you. Pit vipers are called pit vipers because of those pits on their faces. Right there, right on their faces. Between the eyes and the nostrils. I used to think that it was because they lived in pits, but I was wrong. It’s because they have pits, on their faces. Unlike human pits, which are hairy, sweaty embarrassments, the pits on a pit viper’s face (See them? Right on the face.) are sensory organs that detect heat, so even with their damn eyes closed they can “see” their prey just exactly like the predator from that movie, Predator. Remember, Predator? Remember when the predator would look at people, and he would see them thermal style? And then he would prey on them, because he was the predator? From Predator? Arnold Schwarzenegger was in it.