Animals I Hate

Golden lion tamarins are fabulous little monkeys. See those tails? Those don’t even do anything. They’re just for show. Golden lion tamarins are strictly arboreal, which means that they don’t ever come out of trees, even if someone who could potentially be a very special friend is standing two damn feet away from them, and all they have to do is get down on the floor of their enclosure and walk up to the glass and touch their palm to it and the zookeeper would KNOW that the hypothetical person and the monkey were SOUL MATES and everything would be PERFECT FOREVER. But instead they’re scared little monkeys who, because of their distinctive golden fur, are very visible to predators up above, and therefore won’t come down out of the trees for anything, even totally platonic but intensely beautiful and life changing human-monkey friendship. Golden lion tamarins are known for giving birth to twins (nearly 80% of golden lion tamarin births are twins, which is an astronomically high rate among primates) and for never responding to your texts.