Animals I Hate

If a giraffe isn’t standing perfectly still or lovingly nuzzling it’s calf, it is guaranteed to look like a total dork. Since giraffes are so tall, they have big huge giant hearts, like a little league baseball team from a bad neighborhood. But unlike a little league baseball team, giraffes have such high blood pressure that it’s actually dangerous for them to run too much. All the strain can make them just have a heart attack and drop dead. I don’t want to talk about that anymore though because now I’m imagining a baseball team full of fat little kids with diabetes and weak hearts and it’s making me sad. Thanks a lot, giraffes. Thanks for putting THAT image in my head. It’s the fucking Very Bad News Bears up in my mind’s eye right now. There was a lot more I wanted to say about giraffes but now I’m just so sad I can’t write anymore.