Animals I Hate

Pigeons are interesting because it’s pretty rare for society as a whole to just agree that something is the worst. Even when someone goes “Blah blah Hitler!” there’s like a forty percent chance that someone else will speak up and go “Well blah blah Stalin.” But people have more or less accepted that pigeons are the worst bird. I guess it’s because pigeons aren’t afraid of people, and we, as a species, want the rest of the animal kingdom to recognize. What really irritates me about them is that it looks like they probably have PENTACHROMACY. That means they have FIVE KINDS OF COLOR RECEPTORS (you only have THREE) and can see up to TEN BILLION DIFFERENT COLORS (your garbage eyes can see like ten million). If you can’t do math or don’t read the stuff in parenthesis (because if it’s so important why is it isolated from the rest of the sentence like some secret shame?), that means that pigeons can see one thousand times as many colors as you. Try not to think about that the next time you’re stoned at sunset.