Animals I Hate

Some people don’t think that pigeons are the worst bird. Those people usually live near a lot of seagulls. Gulls are like people, in that they’re opportunistic feeders. Of course for people “opportunistic” means that we can eat pretty much anything and digest it all right as long as it isn’t poison or too fibrous; for gulls it means the same thing, except those guys are DICKS about it. They’re one of the many animals that have caught on to the fact that humans are fat fucks and can’t walk to our cars without leaving a trail of breadcrumbs, but seagulls give approximately zero fucks whether you’re done with that ice cream, because those bitches can dive bomb. They can’t just eat anything, they can GET food any which way, be it by air, land, or water. But they can’t dive under water too well. So if you want to taunt a seagull, I would suggest putting a glass box full of movie theater popcorn at the bottom of a pool.