Animals I Hate

Squirrels are everywhere right now, gathering up their nuts and stashing them away in random fucking holes in the ground. People used to think that the squirrels dug the nuts back up by smell, and it was sort of a cooperative squirrel effort where everyone was eating everyone else’s nuts, because how is a damn squirrel going to remember a thousand different hiding places? But hey guess what. When you’re a squirrel, and ninety percent of your job in staying alive is remembering where you put some acorns three months ago, you remember where those fucking acorns are. Meanwhile, in the highest intellectual echelon in the known universe, my keys remain at large.