Animals I Hate

Fossas are Madagascar’s largest endemic predators. And since Madagascar is some random island that’s mostly famous for having the world’s loudest cockroaches, of course fossas are just twenty pound weasels. But they’re also the most depraved sexual libertines to walk the earth since David Bowie got married. Basically a lady just goes up in a tree, and lots of guys come around and start screaming and screaming and attacking each other until the lady decides that one of the guys is the best screamer and the most skilled bitch-slapper, and then they just go at it like crazy up in the tree, and did I mention that the male’s penis is fucking BARBED? Because you can’t be worried about slipping out when you’re worried about slipping out of a tree. And when they’re done the female just goes ahead and mates with all the other screaming guys who are waiting their turns down below, for up to FORTY HOURS STRAIGHT. Maybe it’s my prudish Puritan morals, but god damn fossas, leave some slutty for the rest of us.