Animals I Hate

Saiga antelopes are big giant dorks. They have huge inflatable noses that have been filtering dust since the fucking Pleistocene, when they used to stomp their stupid tiny feet all over the damn world, but now they pretty much stick to Kazakhstan. I guess their noses also warm air up in winter? That seems pretty unnecessary to me. I mean, I live in a pretty cold climate, it’s basically normal for my region to get two feet of snow and drop below zero in winter, AND people are always commenting on how adorably petite my nose is, but once the air is inside of my face the temperature is pretty comfortable. It’s not like I sleep outside or anything, but I also don’t grow a massive white coat, or even wear a coat, because wearing coats is for pussy bitches. Saiga antelopes, you are pussy bitches. Also they’re not even good antelopes. They’re practically sheep.

I know what you’re thinking, and no, the Gerenuk is not fucking with you. That is seriously how they eat, with their pivoting people hips and reaching stick arms. Too good to eat off the ground, not good enough to be giraffes. Also, they don’t drink water. I’m pretty sure that means they all have rabies.